


Home for Christmas

by Canadian_nights



Category: Cardinal (TV 2017)
Genre: Belonging, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Smut, F/M, Feels, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:28:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canadian_nights/pseuds/Canadian_nights
Summary: A Christmas love story that accidentally starts with more angst than should be allowed in December but I promise will quickly descend into fluff and a little bit of smut as these two remember why they need to be together in amongst as many Christmas cliché's as I can shovel in - with a very big clumsy snow shovel I might add! I hope you enjoy and that I can update a couple of times a week up until Christmas.
Relationships: John Cardinal & Lise Delorme, John Cardinal/Lise Delorme
Comments: 11
Kudos: 23





	1. Toronto

**Author's Note:**

> Something very John Shaped is missing in snowy Toronto...

There had been a fresh fall of snow whilst Lise finished off paperwork in her office and despite the snowploughs the roads were slippery and a little tricky as she made her way back to her small apartment. The white fluffy blanket on everything brought back memories of Algonquin bay and for some reason a melancholic feeling settled over Lise. They had just wrapped up a big case, her first in charge of the operation since moving down to Toronto and she should have been riding high on a wave of achievement. Something about the darkness of December though, and the knowledge that she was driving back to a cold apartment, filled her with emptiness. Lise did have someone she could share this achievement with, but despite her brain trying hard to convince her heart that she should be happy, her gut knew he wasn’t the person she truly wanted to share her success with and somehow that made everything all the more hollow.

Lise had taken this job because of the challenge of these kinds of cases. Big homicides and major crimes with huge resources, that was what she had wanted to be at the heart of ever since leaving financial and discovering her taste for excitement…that was why she had left the comfort and security of Algonquin bay. Alone in the darkness on nights like this however, she really had to wrestle with herself to believe that this was the life she truly wanted. It had been two years now and Lise had just about settled into life in the big City. Sitting on her sofa with a glass of white wine in one hand and exhaustion tugging at her self-control, everything suddenly came flooding back in a painful rush. 

Her and John had worked hard to keep their friendship going at the start, tentatively trying to work out what they should call what they were doing. Labels and emotions didn’t come easy to either of them and John especially had struggled with the distance and the sudden change in the pace of their respective lives. When she looked back, Lise knew he had never really come to terms with the idea of her leaving and starting this new life away from him, just at the point he had finally opened his life up to her. She was so busy trying to fit in with her new colleagues that the onus had been on John to make the journey down to her more often than not, and he dutifully had…in the beginning. Tiredness and shared frustration, however, had driven them to argue and fight about what they wanted and how to commit to each other when everything was so stubbornly complicated. 

Six months later they had decided to finally call it quits. Decided was a strong term for how it happened. Lise had become exhausted with juggling work with the constant arguing; she had lost her best friend along the way and they had lost what made their relationship so special in trying so hard to fit their strong feelings into a conventional box. She had told him so many times that they weren’t putting enough effort into their burgeoning relationship and looking back now, alone in the dark, she knew she had pushed him away. He deserved someone who wasn’t so caught up in a new job and she deserved someone who wasn’t constantly cranky and exhausted from juggling crazy hours of work with building his cabin and travelling down to visit every few weeks. 

In the heat of passion, she had asked him to leave the cabin and move to Toronto so they could be together. He had gone pale and quiet and she knew in that moment as she looked into his tormented eyes that it was too much to expect from him, that it wasn’t fair, but it didn’t make it any easier. Unable to completely give up on each other they had slept together twice more before everything became too painful and she took him back the small amount of possessions that he had left scattered about her apartment. His crestfallen look of confusion and complete loss was the last memory she had of him and the tears that wouldn’t stop on that long drive home ran back down her cheeks as she pulled the blanket around herself and crawled into a comforting ball …she hadn’t heard from him since or been back to Algonquin bay and it was tearing her apart slowly.

*****  
It was going to be a busy weekend off for Lise, the rarity of having two whole days without the threat of being called into the office meant that she had squeezed as much as possible into her plans. Feeling much better about life in the light of day she had been up early for yoga and gone into the city to try and get ahead of the game with Christmas shopping. There weren’t too many people on her list this year so she didn’t really have any excuse to not be organised. By the time she got back to the apartment it was early evening and all she wanted to do was pour a large glass of wine and fill a hot relaxing bath. Her plans were rudely interrupted by the vibrating buzz of her phone from the hall, where she had left it in her jacket. There were three missed calls from Kelly and suddenly her heart began to pound in fear something was wrong. Kelly was on an exchange study programme in Europe for three months and even though they still stayed in touch every so often, Lise wasn’t expecting to hear from her until she got back in January. 

Calling back she waited anxiously as the ringing seemed to go on for too long before she heard the anxious tone in Kelly's familiar voice. 

“Lise. I… I’m sorry to call you like this but I didn’t know what else to do. It’s Dad he… I just got a call from him and I’m really worried Lise. He’s in hospital, he’s been shot and..”

Lise didn’t hear the rest of the sentence, the words ‘he’s been shot’ echoing around her brain as her lungs suddenly stopped functioning.  
Kelly must have sensed the change in Lise’s breathing on the other end of the line.

“It’s ok… I at least he sounds ok, well as ok as you can be. He got shot in the thigh and had to have an operation to stop the bleeding. You know what he is like Lise, he won’t tell me how bad he really is but they have him in a rehab ward now and when I spoke to the nurse they think it will be at least another couple of days before he can put weight on the leg.”

Lise could feel herself physically trembling, sliding down the wall to sit on the cool wooden floor of the hall. “Thankyou for calling me Kelly. I… what can I do?”

“The nurse told me that he wouldn’t be able to manage on his own for a few weeks and I… he won’t stay in hospital you know he won’t, I’m really worried how he will manage. I can try and get back but I have exams next week and I well I wondered if you could go check in with him? I know it’s a lot to ask after everything between you both but you are the only one he will listen to Lise, the only one he will let in and I..”

Hearing the worry and pain in Kelly’s young voice was heart breaking. She shouldn’t be having to plan for looking after her dad, not when she had important exams and a life of her own to be living. So Lise found herself agreeing to something that she knew was probably a big mistake.

“It’s ok Kelly I can take some time off, we have just wrapped up a big case and I’m due some leave. I can go up to Algonquin bay. You focus on your studies ok? If he needs you I will call, I promise.”

The relief of tension on both sides of the Atlantic was palpable down the phone as Kelly thanked Lise profusely and promised to keep in touch. Scraping herself off the floor Lise made her way to the kitchen, she would definitely need that large glass of wine now.

Hearing that John had been injured had made her feel physically sick, the idea that she could have lost him from her life, even though he was no longer physically in it, was too much to process. In that moment everything else had paled into insignificance and she knew she needed to be by his side whilst he needed her. 

Later that evening she called the ward number Kelly had given her. Speaking to a friendly nurse Lise found out that John had suffered a significant penetrating injury from a bullet that lodged in his thigh and had lost a lot of blood. They had needed to repair the damaged vessels and extract the bullet in a long, difficult operation and the soft tissue damage was so extensive he was only just getting back to walking with a lot of help from the physiotherapy team. He would need crutches for at least a month but was doing well mainly because of his baseline level of fitness. They hoped to be able to discharge him home in a week if he had someone to help with day to day tasks. 

*****

Lise had spent every single day of the last two years trying to forget John Cardinal and now once again he was all she could think about as she made plans to spend the next two weeks in Algonquin bay. The next two weeks which just happened to include the Christmas holidays. The Christmas that she had agreed to spend with a man that couldn’t be further from her mind in this moment other than the frustrating matter of what she was going to tell Luc?

It was a relationship with Luc that she hadn’t at the start really wanted. They met three months after she and John had last seen each other and she was feeling sad and lonely and in desperate need of a distraction. Luc was typically handsome –tanned skinned with dark green eyes and chocolate coloured hair that curled when it got too long. On the surface they had lots in common, he was a similar age and Québécois. When they had met she only wanted the physical release he offered but he was persistent in his urge to date her and she caved in the end, discovering that the best thing about Luc was that he was everything John wasn’t – open, enthusiastic, spontaneous… sometimes too emotional but after months of aching to hear what John was really thinking it was refreshing to be told how much she was wanted. For a while he patched over the painful crater John had left in her heart and in her life. They had been together twelve months and he had told her he loved her after three. Lise loved a lot that Luc offered her, but being in love with him, if she was forced to describe how she felt it wasn’t that. It felt different being around Luc, he was dependable and smitten and she was happy when they were together. He was enthusiastic in the bedroom, good even and after a fair bit of encouragement he knew what exactly it took to please her. He satisfied her needs but with him, for all of the physical attraction she felt, her skin was never on fire and she was never left truly breathless. 

Lise felt guilty that she wasn’t fully invested in their relationship. Too often her mind would wander back to John and when she was alone she would still imagine him in her bed. His beard scratching along her body, her skin electrified by his touch until his absence became too overwhelming and her hand reached to quell the need between her legs at the memory of his eyes fixing hers as they came tremblingly hard together. 

Maybe if she had never known John, never felt the piercing gaze of his eyes penetrating into her sole, then she would have said that she was in love with Luc. The problem was; know she knew what overwhelming, all-consuming love felt like, Luc, for all that he brought to her life, he didn't come close to bloody John Cardinal. No man ever had and the terrifying truth, that she had tried so hard to bury for the last two years, was that no man ever would. That was why, against her better judgement and all logical reason, she was driving four hours north, away from the man who wanted to spend his Christmas with her, to see the man who had broken her heart, the man she had not seen in almost two years whom she had tried so hard to forgive but couldn’t forget. This was probably the stupidest thing she had ever, ever done.


	2. 20th of December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The icy frost is starting to melt for these two and the tension and unmistakable attraction is starting to build now they are finally reunited...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had pretty much written this chapter and figured after a little too much angst for a Christmas fic there may as well be another chapter to soften it a little this weekend whilst I have the time. Soften might be a bit too big a word- there is still an awful lot of tension in the air in this chapter but a lot less angst... I hope you enjoy!

Lise hadn’t really thought through what she would do when she arrived back in Algonquin bay. There wasn’t really anything left here for her, the familiar streets almost like a blurred movie set as she drove through the town to the hospital to see John. The receptionist had directed her to a rehabilitation ward at the back of the building and despite the ease of the walk by the time she arrived her heart was pounding in her throat as though she had run up ten flights of stairs. This unit didn’t feel like a hospital, more like a hotel, with shiny newly painted walls scattered with impressive, uplifting paintings of beautiful Ontario vistas. It was disorientating and maze like as she walked down a corridor with a gym to her left. The strong chlorinated smell of the hydrotherapy pool, particularly in her current state of nervous anticipation, made her feel a little light headed. The room she was looking for seemed to be the furthest from the entrance and the extra time this gave Lise with her thoughts was doing nothing for the butterflies vibrating under her diaphragm. 

His door was open when she finally found it and cool winter light steamed through the blinds into the bleak empty room. John was lying on top of the bed, looking more casual than she was used to in grey shorts and a white polo shirt, his long limbs too big for its standard size inadvertently making the scene slightly comical. His eyes were closed and Lise wasn’t sure if he was asleep, her gaze momentarily transfixed by how relaxed his face was in that moment. Two years was a long time and they didn’t look like they had been kind on John. His beard shaggier than she remembered and his jet-black thick hair, that she had loved losing her fingers in, had faded somewhat, diluted by the silvering strands that had crept mercilessly across his scalp. He had quietly trickled into a new decade since they had last seen each other but despite the changes in his outward appearance he still did something to her insides, leaving her feeling like her stomach was tied in a painfully tight knot. The urge to reach out and touch him in that moment, as her body hummed with the memory of this man, was almost painful. 

He was definitely asleep, his gentle breathing comfortingly familiar. Lise let him rest, settling into a chair in his eyeline and watching his familiar face in the silence. His soft expression and inky black eyelashes pulling her back in again, like an invisible forcefield, trapping her heart as though it had been waiting two patient years to come home. Alongside the unsteadying wave of emotion washing through her body, Lise’s brain was trying hard to remind her of how much hurt he had caused as she blinked back stinging tears, furious that her subconscious had put up so little fight. 

The natural light had faded by the time his still body started to stir and his eyelids fluttered open, his eyes, a pale grey in the dimness, fixing her so that her heart roared again in her chest. His expression took years off his face, the bewildered confusion of a ten-year-old John taking over his features fleetingly, before a big man-sized paw rubbed roughly across his bleary eyes and his pupils dilated under her intent gaze.

“L-Lise?” his voice a questioning stutter.

“Salut!”

When he continued his piercing stare, Lise found herself spilling nervous words into the silence.

“Kelly called me and told me about what happened. I’ve come to give you a hand whilst you get back on your feet, if you are ok with that? You know you really need to stop getting shot John.” 

It was meant to be a light-hearted joke but as the words slipped off her tongue they were filled with real sincerity, she had seen him injured far too often and he was lucky that he hadn’t lost his leg, or his life this time. 

John’s face was contorted and Lise could see the struggle of conflicted emotions trickling through his complicated mind as he tried hard to form words in the dimness. Unable to commit his thoughts to sounds he dragged himself up to the edge of the bed, using his arms to help move his bandaged leg, and the growl of pain that escaped his lips pulled Lise from her chair to his side reflexively. Her hand suddenly resting on his back, in the groove between his shoulder blades, supporting his body as she perched on the bed beside him. They were inches from each other and the air felt tight and thick like the moment before a thunder storm breaks. 

John was on so many pain medications that his brain was having even more trouble processing what was happening than usual. The only thing he could focus on in that moment was the feel of her warm, small hand burning through the thin cotton of his shirt and marking his skin like a brand. Her face was so close, her beautiful dark eyes gazing up at him as her warm breath tickled his neck causing his skin to break out in tingling goose bumps. She was still as perfect as he remembered and he thought he must be dreaming as he let his eager eyes explore the familiar contours of her face, the face that had haunted his sleep, the face he longed for on dark lonely nights, the face he loved so much still it hurt. 

The urge to close the gap to his lips was unbearable as his familiar smell washed over her defences and his pleading eyes spoke to her the thousands of unsaid words that hung between them. The inches between them slowly seeping away until the sound of a knock on the open door pierced the moment and Lise jumped off the bed like a naughty schoolgirl caught in the boy’s dormitory. 

A smiling nurse walked in and introduced herself, her voice familiar from their telephone conversation earlier in the week. 

“You must be Lise. John speaks very highly of you and now I can understand why.”

Lise watched the flush light up John’s face and wondered what exactly he had said about her.

“I just came to see if you needed anything for the pain John? I can leave you both alone though…” the nurses eyes dancing between the two of them and picking up on the tension in the room… “if you want.”

John’s face looked painfully serious, his eyes dark and fixed on Lise as though he maybe did want them to be left alone but Lise had managed to regain control of the moment and why she was here.

“No I should go,” she mumbled the words into the air, no longer able to hold his eyeline. Then as an afterthought she turned to the nurse. “Do you think he will be able to go home tomorrow?”

“We will check with the doctors but he is doing really well so I’m sure that will be possible. I’ll leave you to say goodbye.”

Lise not trusting herself to get too near to John again stayed hovering by the window. They briefly spoke about him getting home with her staying with him and something about his body language seemed to soften in the knowledge that she had come to be by his side. 

“Take the keys to the cabin Lise, I’d like you to, you know where everything is and I don’t want you having to stay at a hotel tonight.” 

The smile she was giving him was making it hard to keep the emotions bubbling under the surface in check. He had wanted to see her again for so long, to apologise for not being who she needed… to make things right? Maybe that was too much to let himself hope for, but he hoped at least that he could get his best friend back in his life and this time he wouldn't mess it all up. 

*****

It had been a struggle to get to the cabin through the snow. Luckily there hadn’t been any fresh falls and the main road was clear. It was just the last few meters down the forest road that had been a little dicey. A strange wave of nostalgia hit Lise full on as she pushed the delicately carved wooden door open into the open-plan living area. She had only spent two weekends at the cabin before but somehow everything was cosy and familiar. John’s smell and belongings warming the cool space so it felt lived in and human and so much more comforting than her apartment in the city. Then the realisation truly hit her… it felt like home… like where she belonged and the exhaustion and emotions of the day finally caught up with her in uncontrollable tears. 

The temperature, when she managed to shake herself out of the emotional wobble and took off her boots and jacket, was icy. The heating system having been off for days whilst John was away in hospital. It was only 9pm but it had been one hell of a day so after ramping up the boiler she walked through to the en-suite bathroom on autopilot, stepping out of her clothes and turning on the hot comforting water. The heat was soothing on the tense muscles of her neck and tingled down her skin as it gradually defrosted from the chilly winter air. It was John’s shampoo and shower gel that she used to wash with and the smell of him filled the room as though he was sharing the space. 

Savouring the hot steam Lise dried off in the bathroom, pulling on a t-shirt and leggings and sliding into her side of the big bed. It took a moment to filter through into her sleepy mind that this wasn’t her bed anymore, that she should get up and make up the spare bed. But it was warm and comfortable and she could smell and feel the man she so clearly still loved wrapping around her as she encased her body in his duvet. Giving up on what she should do, in favour of what her tired body wanted, Lise let herself roll over onto his pillow sinking into the coconutty scent of John’s shampoo that was left behind on the fabric. Reaching up to the bedside light her gaze caught the final sucker punch for her heart, sitting beside his pillow on the nightstand was the photo she had given him of their smiling embrace the first weekend he had come to visit her. He had kept it, beside him as he slept and the realisation that it still meant that much to him lodged in her chest as she drifted into a fitful sleep.


	3. 21st of December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brrrr its chilly here so it must be time for a little midweek warmth... slowly does it though...

John had barely slept, the images of Lise in his home flooding his dreams. He had built the cottage with not just him in mind, changing the plans that had lived in his brain for years as they tentatively began their fledgeling relationship. The memories of how optimistic he had felt, his heart swelling with the idea of having her in his life and building a home together driving him to put much more effort into the design and finish of the rooms than he ever would have for his simple needs. The large glass doors onto the patio with the swing seat overlooking the lake, the family sized kitchen with expensive worktops, the ensuite bath-tub and the large master bedroom, they were all for her. Every day that he missed her presence in his life he had put extra hours into the cabin, turning his frustrations and sadness into building a home for them both, a home that she would want to share, labouring under the hopeful misapprehension that it would be enough for her to come back to him. But he had failed, he hadn’t been the man she needed and seeing her again had brought all that painful emotion flooding back. 

John wasn't a man who gave away his heart easily. There had only been three people in his life that he truly loved and one of them was his daughter. He had fallen hardest of all for Lise, long past the point in his life that he ever thought he would love again. Lise, his partner and friend, had brought back his smile and stolen his bruised and blooded heart, so slowly and tenderly that he hadn't realised it was happening until he was already hopelessly lost. So, even after all the pain and confusion he had felt, he had never stopped loving her. Now she was real again, so close and yet still just out of his grasp and somehow he missed her more than ever.

Lise had slept better than she had anticipated, John’s big bed absorbing her like a marshmallow. She had always slept well in that bed and the traces of John’s smell on the sheets ensured that even without his physical presence she felt safe and content. Lise had never felt like that with Josh or Luc, preferring to avoid sharing a bed for anything other than physical release, usually after a stressful day at work when her pent-up frustration was at an all time high. She couldn’t remember ever waking up in Luc’s arms the way she longed to again with John, retreating to her own side of the bed and the reassuring coolness of the unoccupied sheets at the earliest opportunity when he stayed over at her place. Cuddling wasn’t who she was, at least that was what she reasoned with herself, knowing deep down that it wasn’t true. She was simply exceptionally particular with who she let see that side of her. John was the only man who had ever made her feel safe enough to expose that inner vulnerability, the Lise that enjoyed the feel of being wrapped in someone’s arms, the Lise without the bullet-proof vest who allowed herself to be reassured and protected by his arms instead. It was a confirmation of the strength of their bond rather than an admission of weakness, but it sure as hell terrified her.

Shaking herself, Lise had dragged herself up out of the warmth and set about tidying John’s home in anticipation of his return. Her first activity, making up the guest bedroom and moving in her belongings. Even if she did want to spend another night in that bed… with him, it wouldn’t be her wisest move. Not after two painful years of trying to forget how it felt to be wrapped in his arms. 

*****

There was a call from John at noon to ask if it suited to come and collect him and by 1pm he was back home and sat on the couch. Lise was in the kitchen making them both a cup of coffee when there was a knock at the door. News travelled fast in these parts!  
Leaving John with his leg resting on the coffee table Lise answered the door, a broad smile lighting up her face at the sight of Jerry standing on the wooden steps, flushed and covered in pine needles with an oversized Christmas tree leaning against his chest. 

“Lise…” The shock at her presence unsuppressed in his greeting. 

“I didn’t know you were up in these parts. I thought John would be on his own and well… incapacitated, so I came to see if I could help and figured I may as well bring a little… well maybe a slightly too large tree shaped lump of Christmas cheer.” Gesturing at the scruffy, now slightly bedraggled tree propped against him he laughed. “I forgot how far it is from the road to the cabin when I figured this was a good idea!”

Lise instinctively stepped forward, embracing an icy Jerry in a warm hug which he returned in earnest.

“Looks like all the Christmas cheer he needs is already here though!” There was a twinkle in Jerry’s eyes as they danced teasingly at her quizzical expression. Ever John’s right hand man, Lise had a lot of time for Jerry and his kindness and honesty, even when he was a little too good at seeing straight through her. 

Remembering that they were stood on the freezing doorstep Lise beckoned him in. A wry smile crossing her face as she imagined Scrooge himself’s expression when he was greeted by the bulging tree. “John will love what you have brought.”

Under Lise’s enthusiastic instruction Jerry managed to secure the tree in front of the big picture window. John inexplicably finding himself increasingly frustrated by his incapacitated state, the urge to be more of an active participant in the flurry of activity bringing so much joy to Lise’s face pulling painfully on his heartstrings. Watching the scene play out he felt infinitely grateful for Jerry and his kindness. 

*****

The three old friends chatted contentedly for hours, coffee migrating into wine for John and Lise who didn’t need to worry about the snowy drive home. Jerry was genuinely interested in Toronto and how Lise was getting on and likewise she wanted to hear about him and his family. It didn’t take long for Jerry to turn the chat to the old team and how everyone missed her presence on cases. Nobody missed her more than John, his partner was irreplaceable and he found himself smiling wistfully at the incredible woman who had unexpectedly walked back into his life.

“Wait ‘til everyone hears you are back in town for the holidays. Have you told her about the Christmas party John?”

He had genuinely forgotten with everything that had happened in the last few weeks, if he was honest he wasn’t even planning on going, but the look on her face made him feel suddenly guilty. 

“I… erm… no I…”

Seeing his friend struggling, Jerry was quick to interject.

“Well, there’s no way you both can miss it now. Dyson will have my head! Anyway, I better be off. Looking forward to seeing you both on the 23rd it’s at 19.30 at Joe’s bar in town… just in case you forgot the details John.” And with that and a twinkle in his smiling eyes Jerry bid them both a goodnight. 

“Food?” Lise didn’t realise how hungry she was until she spoke.

“Yeah – I’ve got some pizzas in the chiller if that’s ok with you?” 

He tried to pull himself up from the seat but Lise could see the pain in his face as his jaw clenched in concentration. Her hand instinctively resting on top of his to stop him in his tracks. The shock of their brief contact pulling their gaze together, as time seemed to stand still around them. 

“Let me get it for us John.”

It didn’t take long to heat the pizzas and when she came back through John had somehow managed to find a way to light the fire. How he had succeeded with one functioning leg she had no idea but it was wonderfully cosy. In the intimate glow of the firelight the couch seemed a lot smaller that it had earlier in the day and Lise could feel John’s heat radiating from his large frame as she settled in beside him. Finding a trashy ‘made for TV’ Christmas movie to put on in the background they quickly demolished the food and settled into a familiar companionable silence. The wine and fire lulling Lise into a sleepy state, her eyelids getting heavier until she found herself slipping towards his shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind as he lifted his arm to make room for her to slide more tightly against him. In that moment the years they had spent apart melted away. John felt exactly how she remembered, strong and secure against her cheek, her arm sliding across his waist as she gave in to sleep and melted into his warm welcoming chest. 

John found he couldn’t resist pulling her closer into his embrace whilst wrapping a long arm protectively around her small frame. Her weight against him felt so familiar and reassuring that his heart ached. It had been a long time since he had felt this whole and with a secret smile on his face he allowed himself to be captured by sleep, feeling happier than he had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is Christmas but maybe there needs to be a little more angst heading their way and a sprinkling of jealous John before the complete fluff-fest unfolds. More Christmas clichés generously dolloped in along the way to make up for it...honest...


	4. 22nd of December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One final twist of angst and jealousy and some home truths to make way for the snowy flurry of fluff to follow...

It was light outside again by the time John stirred from his slumber. Apart from the throbbing ache in his stiff left leg he was feeling remarkably rested, unable to remember the last time he had managed a full nights uninterrupted sleep. The delicate snoring noise coming from under his chin fully explained why he was feeling so calm. For once in her life Lise looked a little dishevelled, her hair had become loose around her face, as she had buried herself deeper into his armpit, and the angle that her head had come to rest against his bicep had left her mouth slightly ajar. Her gentle breathing vibrating against him, reminding him of a hibernating hedgehog he had once watched on a documentary, and he couldn’t help but smile. Only Lise could look beautiful with her mouth open, almost dribbling… If he got to wake up every day like this, he would die a happy man.

Jeez! He was so embarrassingly smitten. 

Sadly, the moment had to end. The cramping in his leg was becoming more painful and he needed to restore the circulation or it would only get worse. Letting his fingers tenderly stroke through Lise’s hair, his heart jumped to his throat as a sleepy smile graced her face and her eyes fluttered open.  
The fact that Lise didn’t look horrified that they were wrapped tightly together made John happier than perhaps was rational. Skimming her face, he concluded that if anything his partner, ex-partner, looked as content as he did and he let himself savour how happy that made him. The exciting warm feeling of her hand lazily grazing along his ribs, as she unravelled herself gently from his arms, stretching up elegantly like a cat coming to from a restful nap, was just an added bonus. 

“Morning John…” Her silken words sending a shockwave down to his groin as she headed through to the bathroom.

*****  
They had settled so easily back into each other’s company that Lise didn’t know whether to be disconcerted or just plain happy. It was the picture of domestic bliss in his kitchen as they sat at the big table, a large pot of strong coffee and a rack of thickly cut toast laid out between them. His domestication ended at peanut butter and jelly though, there were none of the fancy French cherry or apricot conserves that Lise had in her kitchen. 

Whilst he was getting changed and she had been rummaging through his rather bare cupboards an unsettling feeling overcame Lise. The protective instinct to ensure he had everything he needed was one thing, but sadly it was more than that. Maybe it was the afterglow of spending a night in John’s safe arms that made Lise realise that what she really wanted was to be the person who helped to keep these cupboards stocked… to be a part of this kitchen and his life again.

“Do you think your feeling up to a trip into town John?” Lise asked the question tentatively, not wanting to push his body too far. Taking a sip of coffee, she watched his face as he replied, knowing his eyes would tell the truth even if his lips didn’t. 

*****  
Content that he would be alright they drove into town, John managing to hobble around a few shops with her before she ushered him away, wanting to see if she could find him a little something to open on Christmas morning. Despite how much John had been enjoying her company he was glad to get to slow down the pace, not wanting her to see how much it was taking out of him walking through the pain, even with his crutch for support. 

John already knew, particularly after waking up with her in his arms, what he was going to give Lise for Christmas but figured it wouldn’t hurt to see if he could find a couple of extra things to make her smile, hoping that the little boutique Kelly raved about might have some inspiration. 

They had agreed to meet at the coffee stop they used to frequent in an hour, so John had some time on his hands. After catching an upsetting glimpse of his reflection in a frosted window he realised that the place he really needed to visit during that time was the barbers. His appearance a lot more important to his pride now that Lise was seeing him every day. 

John genuinely couldn’t have cared less what he looked like a week ago, but the idea that he looked twice her age when he stood beside Lise, when he already hated the numerical difference that hung between them, was horrifying. He didn’t need the entire world to silently judge him on his outward appearance, disapproving of what he wanted from a woman who could have been his daughter in a different life. 

*****

Despite spending half an hour in the barbers, John had still beaten Lise back to the café and was glad to take the weight off his leg, which by now felt tight and swollen. Ordering a thick black coffee, he hobbled to a quiet corner, finally able to rest his leg on a chair in peace. Ten minutes later he saw her come in, watching happily as her eyes scanned the room, the knowledge that it was him she was looking for was strangely pleasing. 

It was no wonder she was half an hour later than they planned, her arms weighed down with more bags than seemed necessary. It didn’t take much detective work to see that Lise must have bought a lot of food from the newly opened deli as well as something that looked very expensive, judging by the packaging, from the fashion boutique Catherine used to love. 

When her eyes settled on him, he thought he saw an appreciative look cross her features which drove an unwanted flush of heat to creep under his collar. 

It took all Lise had in her armoury to maintain a poker face when she caught the first glimpse of him in the corner. His recently shaggy hair now cropped and messily styled into his familiar thick choppy quiff and his silvering beard trimmed so that it neatly hugged his strong jaw. The unfamiliar scruffy exterior was gone and smiling at her from across the room, a little greyer and two years older, was her ruggedly handsome John Cardinal, with the twinkle back in his eyes. Ten years could have passed and he would still be her John, his lopsided boyish grin making her feel weak at the knees. 

There were no words needed as she sat down to join him at the table, her soft smile more than enough confirmation that she approved of his decision. 

*****

By the time they had put all the perishables away and settled back on the couch with another coffee it was later than they both realised. A happy grin pulled at the corners of Lise’s mouth as she remembered the Christmas tree in the corner.

“Do you have any decorations John?”

Her childlike excitement was disturbingly contagious and he found himself, for maybe the hundredth time that day, feeling the warmth of true happiness washing over his aching body.

“There are our old decorations in the loft space – I couldn’t part with them as they were Kelly’s pride and joy. In fact, I think I still have the ones she made as a kid. She would have never let me hear the end of it if they didn’t make the move with me. They are in one of the smaller boxes – there aren’t many up there to be honest…if you fancy having a hunt around?”

It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes and Lise was back, a triumphant look on her face and a scruffy cardboard box in her hands that had been hand embellished, years ago by the look of it, with pasted on Christmas wrapping paper. 

“How about lights? Maybe we should have picked some up in town?”

The twinge of disappointment in her face, as she rooted about in the box on her lap, made John feel eager to find a solution that would bring back the smile he had gotten so used to enjoying. 

“I err… there’s a bunch of fairy lights at the bottom of the cupboard in the bedroom I think. They are just ones that Kel used to have hung in her room – would they do?”

“Oui. Parfait!” 

The smile was back, on her face and in his heart. 

“I’m not sure that I can bend down to get them, they are on the bottom shelf I think.”

It was all very well rooting around the dim loft space, rummaging around in his bedroom and through his belongings was another level of personal and Lise found herself a little anxious at the prospect. John wasn’t the neatest of men and the cupboard was strewn with old shoes and unlabelled boxes that she started working through one by one. 

Opening a small box at the very back of the space, Lise’s breath suddenly caught in her throat, her hand stilling on a familiar piece of fabric. It was her scarf…  
By now her heart was pounding in her chest as her curiosity overtook the guilty feeling that maybe she shouldn’t look any further. Underneath the silk, in the beautiful display box she remembered so well, was the delicate bracelet he had given her the first weekend he had come down to stay in Toronto. His smiling face from that day so real again in her mind. Then, before she could brace against it, a wave of pain crashed into her at the memories of their shared devastation when she had returned the gift that horrible day that everything finally fell apart. 

The bracelet was such a hopeful symbol of his love for her and it had been the hardest thing to give back. He had kept it… and for some reason that felt overwhelming.

“Any luck?” John’s voice rumbled from the hall.

Lise swiped at the dampness in her eyes and had to physically steady herself against the closet door, fumbling the box closed as she heard him plodding towards the room. 

“I erm, no not yet John.” 

“Sorry. Maybe they are someplace else, I can look later. Dinner?”

“Mmhmm gimme a minute I just need to go to the bathroom.”  
Stumbling through the door the tears came back again as she slumped against the sink. 

*****

John had gone through to the kitchen to make a start on dinner, the smoked salmon Lise had bought today would go nicely with a hot potato salad and he could rustle that up quickly as a little thank you for everything. 

As he closed the fridge the sound of her phone buzzing drew his attention to the table. An unfamiliar face filling the glowing screen… it was ‘Luc’.  
When he had first heard from his daughter that Lise was dating another man it had hurt so much that he had hidden the information away, unable to process it. Seeing him on the screen made everything very real and it felt like he had been dealt the same heart-wrenching blow all over again. 

Picking up the phone in a trembling hand, John felt nauseous, the man in the picture was practically a model, with a dazzling grin and floppy curls. He looked so young and happy and it was devastating. In a single moment all the happiness of the last 48 hours fell away, replaced with cold icy pain. This man was Lise’s age and that realisation made John feel sick at how much older he was… but mostly just stupid, stupid to still be holding onto the overwhelming love he felt for a woman who had moved on with her life. 

Entering the kitchen Lise saw John holding her phone, his face dark and cold as he thrust it into her hand. Searching his expression for the source of his pain her phone rang again and suddenly she knew. She should have told him about Luc… should have explained…but she hadn’t wanted to and that in itself spoke volumes about what she felt for the man on the other end of the telephone. 

“Halo,” there was a sharpness in her voice as the conversation continued in French and she walked out the room leaving John feeling emptier than ever. 

Luc’s voice was an unwelcome reminder for Lise that this week in the cabin wasn’t her real life anymore and as a result she was cruelly short with him. He was annoyed that she had informed him of her trip back to Algonquin bay by text message and not explained why she was suddenly cancelling her plans to spend Christmas with him and his family for the sake of an old colleague. Lise wasn’t in the mood to explain herself. The honest answer, that she couldn’t share, was that she was still completely in love with the colleague in question and that was the reason she had dropped everything to come to his aid. So, in lieu of the truth, they argued, passionately and loudly until he rung off abruptly. 

When she got back from the call John was waiting on her, a thunderous expression darkening his face.

“Look at me Lise, I’m broken and old and the opposite of what you or anyone needs. I don’t know what I was thinking. You don’t want this life… you should go back to Toronto… back to Luc. I don’t need you to protect me if that’s what you think. I can look after myself. I’m certainly old and stupid enough to manage that!” 

Lise stood like a statue, holding her composure as she absorbed all of his anger and pain. 

“Are you done?” 

Now it was Cardinal’s turn to hear some truths. 

He gulped and blinked slowly, running his hand nervously through his hair, the silvery-grey strands making him look wiser than he deserved. 

Lise was unnervingly calm, but he could see the passion burning in her eyes. To John it was a lot like seeing the stillness of the ocean just before a tsunami and he found himself holding his breath in anticipation. 

“You never had the right to tell me what I wanted or needed John, not back then and certainly not now. You are so brave when your life is in danger but when it comes to the scary reality of living you are such a coward. You told me two years ago that you weren’t what I needed but you didn’t wait long enough to find out what that was...”

“I…” Her voice was wobbling as she walked a tightrope of control. “I didn’t know I was able to feel so much for another human being until… until you.” 

John could see that her eyes had turned glassy, sparkling like huge brown marbles, full to the brim with barely restrained tears. 

“Just in case you wanted to know …” 

He watched her chest rise and fall before being pulled back to those sad eyes, holding him as if in a trance, as her voice tailed off into an almost imperceptible whisper.  
“It’s always been you John…Nobody else has ever come close.”

They stared at each other then, in painful aching silence. That stare that they remembered so well. The stare that spoke a thousand silent words. That stare that nobody else ever saw or ever would. 

“Goodnight John.”

John’s lungs felt as though they had crushed in on themselves making it painful to gasp in air. His mind racing at 100 miles an hour as he watched her walk away to the spare room. Had she said what he thought he just heard… 

Regardless, he tried to reason with his screaming heart, she was better off with Luc. He could give her what she needed. His nails digging painfully into is palms as history agonisingly repeated itself. He wasn’t destined to be happy, like with Catherine, his bloody sense of duty was making him choose what was right over what he so desperately wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad me...  
> This is the last of the angst though and after the weekend and my long shifts there will be plenty of tree decorating, and mistletoe and drunken parties.... the snow shovel of holiday fluff will be out!


	5. 23rd of December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The air is cleared a bit and makes way for some more flirting and snuggling and longing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit later than planned but work has been busy ... so it is a little longer to make up for the delay.  
> I am so loving the other Christmas updates that I was inspired to keep this up, I hope you enjoy.

The moment he had heard the door click shut to the spare room John had begun pacing like a caged tiger, his mind awash with feelings and thoughts that he couldn’t process. The pain that his rapid movement was causing his wounded thigh was strangely cathartic, the tangible discomfort a welcome distraction from the mental turmoil that he couldn’t process. He had got as far as her door, hovering his fingertips over the handle and willing his muscles to just strain those extra few inches, to grasp the cold metal in his hand and walk in… Then he heard her quiet tears and his body crumpled backwards. This was what he did to her when he got to close, caused her pain, and he couldn’t bear it. So, instead of throwing open the door and pulling her into his desperate arms he skulked away. Maybe she was right, maybe he was a coward… but he couldn’t risk causing any more pain to the person he loved more than he ever thought he could. 

Tossing and turning John had woken before the sun and after a lot of grumbling and fumbling about in the dark had found the fairy lights, triumphantly setting them on the table alongside a large pile of apology pancakes and the tasty looking jars of sweet treat that Lise had picked up from town. 

The smell of coffee woke Lise, wafting into her nose as she roused in the small spare bed. Her sleep had been equally poor but the new day brought with it a sense of relief. She had at last verbalised to John everything that had been coiled up inside her for so long and with the unburdening of frustrations and truths came a reassuring clarity. She still wanted John, even more now that she was back in such close proximity. He was so familiar and such easy company that it felt right to just relax back into his life. Fighting against the pull they clearly still had on each other was feeling more and more like a painful strain against the natural order of the world. Luc had faded away completely. John was the man she still loved. John was the only man she had ever loved. She wasn’t going to let him go a second time. Not if she could help it. 

Walking into the kitchen Lise saw the table laid. The pile of pancakes making her beam at the precise moment he walked back into the room, a sincere warm smile covering the anxiety she could see deep in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry Lise.” 

He almost didn’t need to say anything, the look on his face was so expressive that she felt it in her chest, her heart juddering unsteadily. He wasn’t just speaking about last night, as his soft eyes implored her, it was everything that he should have said and done in the last two years and Lise felt herself melting again for this complicated man who found words even harder than her. 

“I just need you to know that you don’t need to stay, if you don’t want to? I’ll manage… my leg feels a lot better and Kel will keep an eye by phone. Do you not want to spend Christmas with your family or Luc?”

John didn’t like the way his name sounded on his tongue, jealousy prickling unpleasantly under his skin. Even after all the hope of her words last night he still had that niggle in his mind, maybe he had misinterpreted what she meant and he needed to be sure. 

When it came to Luc they seemed to have so much in common, not least an age within the same decade. Luc could give her what she needed – stability a family? And for some reason that thought stabbed painfully at his gut. He hated the prospect of her having children with another man. It was the first time he had truly thought of it and it hurt more than he could have imagined. Suddenly he was unable to bear the idea of a child, a part of her in the world, that wasn’t also a part of him. Surely though he was too old to do that again, that’s what he had told himself when he had frozen two years ago, when she had asked him to move back to Toronto. He had feared he would take away her options for a traditional family life, the options that a woman in her 30’s might still want to pursue. It had terrified him that maybe one day Lise would wake up and want that life and that he might not be able to give her it. So, he had retreated into work and the cottage and inadvertently distanced himself from the happiness that was beckoning him with the amazing woman whom he had already admitted to himself was the love of his life.

It had taken losing her completely to realise that he would give her anything she wanted just to be able to hover in her orbit. He should have told her two years ago that he loved her more than anything and that he was scared of what that meant and how overwhelming it was, but he hadn’t and he knew that he had to tell her the truth now or face losing her forever. 

Seeing the confusion in her eyes he suddenly realised that she had misinterpreted his words as a request to leave and in an attempt to rectify the situation he fumbled on, the words falling out in an undignified rush. 

“I… I want you to stay Lise.” 

John took a big breath watching the emotions flicker through her eyes in front of him. 

“What I meant to say is that… that I don’t need you to stay just to look after me.” 

His voice had gone soft and croaky with emotion as he stepped closer into her space until he was near enough that her freshly showered scent permeated his brain. 

“But I do really want you to stay Lise. So, so much.”

“I want to spend the holidays with you too John. This, being here with you, it’s the happiest I have felt in a long time.” Pulling him into a warm hug she felt his rapid heartbeat clattering against her chest as his warm hands squeezed her tightly and his body melted into her arms. She could feel his relief and the years of pain flooding out of him as he clung to her and the love she felt in that moment for this big strong man who was clinging to her like a terrified child was overwhelming. 

“Let’s put last night behind us and get this place looking Christmassy.” Her voice was hot against his ear and the heat seemed travel through his body, filling him with a sense of contentment and joy. 

Pulling back a little to look into his face Lise’s eyes danced with laughter, making a conscious effort to lighten the mood so that she didn’t break down in emotional tears. 

“You are very keen to stop me looking after you John. Are you not enjoying my excellent nursing skills?” 

The combination of the impish expression on her face and the tone of her words conjured up a mental image of something very non-medical and he quickly took a step backwards as he felt his skin prickling with red heat, no longer trusting his body not to embarrass him. Last night he had woken back up to how much his whole being craved Lise. He was painfully reminded of the physical needs she stirred in him during a very vivid dream, his blood already flooded with adrenaline and fire from their fight. At least he knew that after his injury everything was still very much in working order as he had made a frustrated mess of his sheets in a desperate need to take the edge of the aching hardness that refused to go away. 

*****

Lise felt a little like a 12 year old as they ate their breakfast, her keenness to get the tree suitably festooned with ornaments was palpable and John almost felt the need to excuse her from the table before she had eaten all her food as if he was eating with a child. 

By the time he had finished the dishes and joined her beside the tree she had laid all of his ornaments out on the coffee table and already wrapped the lights around all but the very tip of the tree which even with his injury he reached with ease, his large wingspan coming in handy again. There was lots of accidental and definitely not accidental touching of fingers and arms as they took turns hanging their favourite ornaments, Lise smiling warmly as John stopped every now and then to tell her the backstory of those that held special sentimental value to him. It felt nice to be given a window into his life before they knew each other and the fondness in his face as he spoke of Kelly at Christmas just made her love him even more. 

Not for the first time John reached his large frame around her, deliberately pressing her between himself and the tree so that he could feel her soft curves and breathe in her florally shampoo as he reached to place Kelly’s homemade ‘paper plate angel’ on the tree. She protested a little, joking with him at being squashed and they fell apart laughing, much harder than was necessary, purely because it was just so lovely to be spending time together again. 

Over an hour had sped by, so distracted had they both been in the joy of decorating the tree that neither had noticed the time. John didn’t think he had enjoyed Christmas this much since Kelly was a little girl and something about the infectious excitement of Lise reminded him of that time. Just as he was about to suggest a glass of wine, he noticed her digging about at the bottom of the decorations box and couldn’t control the vivid blush that must have lit up his face at the site of Lise holding up a bunch of mistletoe. A small embarrassed smile forming on his lips as he spoke,

“Catherine always insisted on mistletoe – it’s meant to bring love and happiness to the home. In the old house she always hung it in the hallway on the way to the stairs. I can’t tell you the number of times I had to hide from one of her elderly aunts after a little too much eggnog!” 

They both burst into giggles at that, as Lise stood in the doorway to the hall trying to stretch up to hang the plastic branch on an exposed screw – “How about here?”

“That looks perfect to me.” His hand brushing hers as he helped her reach high enough. The heat in the room suddenly overwhelming.

*****

By the time they had enjoyed a sit down and a bite to eat it was time to get ready for the team’s Christmas party. His face contorting slightly as his hand reflexively slid around her on the sofa to prevent her getting up, his warm fingers having more of an effect on Lise than he realised and she was sorely tempted to give in to his request as he grumbled about being too comfortable and just giving the night a miss. 

“We are going John, it will be so nice for me to see everyone again and I can hardly leave you here can I, it would look rude.”

“You can just tell them I’m not feeling up to it?”

His cheeky boyish smile and dimpled face was making it difficult to not just abandon everything and pin him down to the sofa and kiss the grin off those familiar lips. Her mind overriding her heart and hormones as she took a step away from him, speaking over her shoulder so that he didn’t see the burning desire in her eyes as she walked away to get ready.

“I’m not lying for you John.”

*****

Lise hadn’t really brought anything with her so when Jerry had told them about the party she had organised their trip to town so that she could find something to wear. There wasn’t a lot of choice in Algonquin Bay compared to Toronto but she had picked out a simple dress that was nice and Christmassy. A deep velvety green, it hugged her curves more than she had thought it would when she had picked it out. By the time she had applied a little blush and delicate red lipstick, and finished blow drying her hair straight, she was satisfied that she looked nice. A lot of the reason she was this dressed up was to see if his head still turned. 

She needn’t have worried. His jaw about hit the floor when he met her in the corridor. The delicate gold chain around her neck drawing his gaze down towards the pale creamy skin over her clavicles and then against his better judgement down lower to the pale curve of her soft breasts, barely held in place by the soft green fabric of the beautiful dress. Fuck he thought to his racing mind, he had to stop this. His dilated pupils and flushed cheeks hadn’t gone unnoticed by Lise who let herself savour a triumphant smile. 

“Are you not getting changed John?”

“Erm is this not ok?”  
He was wearing dark jeans and a grey shirt and had assumed that would be acceptable. Fuck, nobody would be looking at him anyway, not next to those legs in that dress!

“No John, it’s a Christmas party. Come on we need to find you something a bit more suited.”

He walked behind her, slower than usual, savouring the sway of her hips under the thin material and trying hard to not feel like a bit of a perv. 

“Here this is nice, I always liked you in this colour.”

By the time he arrived in his room she had already been in his closet. It wasn’t an issue for him, he didn’t have any secrets from her, but it did seem strangely intimate seeing her go through his clothes.

In her hands she had his light navy suit and he had to admit it was a good choice. 

“It looks nice with your eyes, you can just wear a white shirt with it. If only I had thought to get you a singing Santa tie – pity.” 

The smile she gave him, in that dress, near enough took his breath away as she breezed out of the room. 

*****

It was lovely to see everyone again and by the time that she had been around the room, catching up with old friends and colleagues she had lost count of how many glasses of fizz had slipped easily down her throat. The bubbles dancing around her head and her inhibitions floating away with them. 

When she got back to John he was chatting to a couple of young interns who were giggling and hanging on his every word. They were a little too admiring of him for her liking, but to be honest she didn’t blame them, the blue of his blazer catching the highlights in his eyes and making him look dashingly handsome. The most attractive thing of all though had to be how oblivious he was to the female attention and his adorable ignorance of how well he scrubbed up. 

Suddenly she wanted to interrupt and stake her claim on him, feeling strangely as though he still belonged to her.

“Will you dance with me John?” 

Her eyes were twinkling at him and his mouth had suddenly gone dry. If Lise thought he was completely oblivious to female attention she was wrong, he was acutely aware of what she did to him and right now she was making him unsure of what to do with his newly clumsy limbs.

“I erm... my leg I’m not sure that…”

It was loud and she maybe didn’t hear him, but judging by the look on her face he knew she had actively ignored his words and if he was honest he was glad. 

Taking him by the hand she led him to join the dancefloor and he followed helplessly, as he always did with her. They ended up in a quiet corner away from Mcleod’s terrible dad dancing. He had somehow managed to singlehandedly clear an entire circular area in the centre of the dance floor, just for himself, with his rhythmless gyrating.

They had only been dancing for a couple of minutes when the music slowed, the cheesy 80’s playlist that Mcleod had clearly selected flickering onto ‘Right here waiting’. The irony very much not lost on John at the crooning lyrics; ‘Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you, whatever it takes or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you.’ Lise’s arm had slipped around his waist, coming to rest against his lower back, supporting his weaker leg with her body as she leant into him, his own hand pressing her closer with the gentlest of tender touches between her shoulders. In that moment it was just them, no work colleagues staring open mouthed at the dim corner of the dance floor, only Lise in his arms and he let himself close his eyes, getting lost for a moment at least, in the memories of when he could call this beautiful woman his. 

Dipping his head down so that his cheek was buried in her silken hair he breathed in her overwhelmingly familiar scent. His lips ghosting across the delicate shell of her ear of their own accord as they pressed their bodies closer together, seeking out the warmth and security until the breathless rise and fall of their chests had synchronised together. He knew in his heart, which was suddenly so overwhelmed with emotion, that he would always be hers and he let himself drop the lightest of kisses into her hair, promising himself that he would tell her. 

*****

Lise had to help him out of the taxi. The exertions of the day finally catching up with his wounded body. 

“I’m sorry” he mumbled as she walked with him through to his bed, “I must have stood too long today.”

Her eyes were warm and full of care as she helped him out of his jacket.

“Don’t apologise John, it’s my fault. You told me you didn’t think it was a good idea to go. Here, let me see it.” 

Pure panic flushed his face at the idea of her seeing his thigh – “I… wh-huh?”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen that and more before.”

Her words definitely didn’t help. Swallowing hard and turning away with embarrassment he undid the buttons on his suit trousers, sliding them off and resting on the bed suddenly feeling hugely self-conscious of his body. 

Her cold small fingers were on him, before he really had any time to wonder what might happen, undoing the dressing over the almost healed wound on his upper thigh. The hairs on the swollen surrounding skin standing on end with goose bumps, as his eyes closed so that he could focus all his concentration on his breathing and not losing all self-control. 

Nobody had touched his naked skin since Lise, he hadn’t wanted to be touched by anybody else. As her fingers brushed against the cotton of his boxers, his body awoke to how keenly he still really, really wanted to be touched by her. Fuck, his breath trembled in his throat as he expelled the air he didn’t realise he had been holding, she was so close to the part of him most acutely aware of how good this felt.

Lise wasn’t even sure what she was doing anymore. His wound had pretty much healed under the dressing, the skin of the forming scar tissue a light pink against the creamy pallor of his thigh. For some reason she was still touching him, the tips of her fingers almost tingling at the warmth he was emitting. She remembered these thighs too well, their masculine firmness with just the right amount of muscle were so powerful and familiar. Merde, she remembered how they felt underneath her, taught and strong as he arched into her… 

Unable to suppress the flush she quickly pulled her hand away, jumping back as though he had burnt her flesh.

“It’s em its healing well John. I… I’ll let you get some rest. Bonne nuit.” 

As her eyes flashed briefly up to his he saw the remnants of a familiar desire burning in them and the smallest flicker of hope ignited in his chest.  
His voice husky and rough as he bid her goodnight, his cock aching in his pants in pure frustration.


	6. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter could have been better but it needed to get out as I have 3 long shifts coming up so there will be no updates until just before Christmas.  
> It does have my favourite combination of soppiness and finally SMUT so I hope that you guys enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snuggly, soppy and smutty! Happy weekend! Desperately needed as we seem to have created a mutated super covid here that has once again made us the envy of Europe and truly destroyed Christmas once and for all!

Kelly had called and Lise heard John in the kitchen talking softly to his daughter. She reminded herself to send a text later to reassure her that her dad really was getting on well. Lise missed Kelly. They had grown close in Toronto when she and John were ‘together’, enjoying many dinners and nights out in the city. Her age had never been an obstacle to their friendship, given the wisdom and maturity that John’s daughter possessed, much more at times in fact than her father. They had sadly barely spoken in the last year; work had sucked up most of Lise’s time and Kelly had been busy working and studying. Lise knew Kelly felt bad too, guilty even, for her dad’s actions, apologising on his behalf to Lise one night when Lise had gotten very drunk and shared too much, forgetting for a brief moment that Kelly was still John’s daughter. 

Lise was of course glad that Kelly had called to ask for her help after John’s injury. A part of her was pretty certain though that Kelly had deliberately asked her to look after her dad, knowing the unfinished business that still hung between them. Rather than irking Lise, the gesture made her smile, knowing she had Kelly’s approval when it came to her father was a pretty big complement and like Kel she hadn’t managed to give up on John Cardinal just yet…

Taking the few moments that he was occupied on the phone, Lise slipped away to wrap his gifts. It was already getting dark outside and the spare room was pretty chilly away from the warmth of the roaring fire that she had been luxuriating in front of with a book for the last few hours. Pulling on an oversized knitted sweater Lise dug out the wrapping paper she had picked out especially. It didn’t take long to wrap the few bits she had got him and she quickly returned to the heat of the lounge, tucking them carefully under the tree and laying out his pre-Christmas present on the couch. It may have been a little tacky but something about the jumper had spoken to her. There would be no way she would manage to get him to wear it out of the house, but it was Christmas and she was sure he would indulge her in the cabin. The navy and white wool had initially drawn her eye in the shop but it was the black bear and snowy spruce design that had made her think of John, roaming in his forest habitat, the immediate smile it brought to her face cementing the impulse purchase.

“How’s Kelly getting on?” 

Lise casually set down her book, slipping her legs off the sofa so he could sit down. 

“She’s erm good, I think she has met a Spanish man out there.”

Lise couldn’t help but giggle at the terrifying ‘protective dad look’ that had darkened his face, deciding now probably wasn’t the moment to mention the attention his not so little girl had gotten on their nights out in Toronto.

“Tanned, dark and handsome? Lucky her!”

Lise started out deliberately teasing him, before thinking better of it. 

“She is more than sensible John and not your little girl anymore. Relax and let her have some fun.”

Pulling him lightly down onto the sofa beside her she prodded him gently with her toe until a reluctant smile finally found its way to his mouth. 

“Close your eyes a second.” 

Pulling the jumper from the pillow beside her she gently laid it against his chest. “Open…”

“Scary daddy bear seems even more suited right about now.”

And finally the smile reached his eyes as a snorting laugh escaped his nose. Unexpectedly he pulled the sweater roughly over his head, ruffling his hair in the process before pulling her into a gruff hug that took her completely by surprise and made her melt a little. 

“I love it. Thankyou.”

*****

Deciding to save the big meal for Christmas day they had settled on a quick supper washed down with lots and lots of wine. As they cooked, Lise told John happily about Christmas eve’s gone by at her French grandparents who would cook a huge spread for the entire family, ‘Le Reveillon’ she smiled happily at him, the memories of simpler times flooding her mind. 

“We would stay up late and eat and eat! Ma mémé était une grande cuisinière! Then we would fight over who got to open presents first.” 

John loved watching her smile like this, realising he could sit and just listen to her forever. They ate formally at the table for a change, Lise ladling out generous portions of her Canadian take on bouillabaisse whilst John opened a second bottle of wine. It was delicious and comforting, the broth soaked up with thick sourdough bread from the deli. 

They chatted so easily as they ate that it was as though the years had melted away and she had never left for Toronto. Every so often his leg would brush against her and her hand would find a way to emphasise a point by lingering against his arm. 

Lise had put the tarte tatin in the oven to heat back up and set John to task warming some fresh vanilla custard on the stove whilst she made some thick hot chocolate, laced liberally with a slug of high-quality whisky from John’s not so secret stash. By the time they had finished with desert they had forgotten completely that this, ‘them’ wasn’t real… 

Maybe it felt so unbelievably right because this was real happiness, this was how they were meant to be and the last two years of hurt had been just a terrible dream. 

Tipsily they walked back through to sit beside the tree, Lise finding herself leaning into John for balance. Just before they stepped into the warmth of the lounge, which couldn’t have looked any more Christmassy - flooded with glowing light from the fire, Lise laced her fingers through his familiar calloused digits, gently stopping him in his tracks. 

Tensing at how on edge the sensation of her skin against his made him feel, John twisted his body nervously and was greeted by a sight that nearly took his breath away. Lise was looking up at him, her face lit by the orange glow of the fire, a wistful longing swirling in her eyes and he couldn’t move, so captivated by her beauty. The love he felt for her flooding ferociously through the blood that was so loudly pulsing in his ears.

Their hands remained joined and Lise could feel the rapid thud of John’s unsteady heart in his wrist, reassuring her once and for all that she wasn’t alone in wanting this. Her gaze pulled away from his intense eyes to glance skywards at the hanging branch of mistletoe. 

“Are you going to kiss me John?”

Frozen in place as her words sunk in, he watched on, suddenly mesmerised by the deftness of her tongue as it darted delicately across her slick bottom lip. All the moisture that had been present in his own mouth had deserted him, making swallowing an unexpectedly laboured effort. His gaze constant and eager, captivated by the subtle movements of her mouth, as though he had forgotten how to blink. He could have been 16 again, excited but terrified and totally lost in her presence. 

Desperately he willed his body to act, to take her in his arms and show her how much love he still felt for her… 

“I…I…Lise…” His words were stumbled and low, broken by stuttering breaths, as he found himself gravitating towards her instinctively.

It was almost overwhelming for Lise, watching this big powerful man, the man that she so painfully loved, looking so awestruck. 

Taking control, she let her hands rest on his warm chest, feeling his frame shudder beneath her fingers before sliding them up the soft wool of his new jumper until they came to settle around his neck. Now she could gently ease him towards her, her fingers tangling in the soft hair at his nape, watching his black pupils swell to the size of saucers, a mix of nervous anticipation and unbridled longing flooding his face. 

Lise allowed herself to savour his gaze for as long as she dared, until the feel of his warm breath tickling her lips drove her eyelids to instinctively close, moments before the warm softness of his lips collided with her own. 

Their kiss began tender and slow, a gentle and tentative rediscovery of such familiar territory, until his lips suddenly came to life and his arms encircled her tightly. A slight tremble in his biceps giving away just how much this meant to John. Carefully pressing her back against the door frame, he leant his weight into her, needing more as he probed cautiously at the opening of her mouth. 

Lise tasted of cream and whisky against his tongue as he searched deeper, tangling with the hot ferocity of her mouth, seeking out the taste he longed to experience again. The peppery sweetness, that drove him wild with love and lust, which he had only ever tasted on these lips.

Eventually the burning sensation in his lungs forced Cardinal to ease back and gasp in oxygen. The brief moment of clarity allowing his brain the space to process how incredible it felt to have her body pressed against him again and the blood that had been pooling in his chest quickly flooded south. His arousal growing keener as Lise’s hands found their way to his waist before tracing down lower, coming to rest on his ass, digging her fingers into his flesh and pressing his desire harder into her core. Afraid of completely losing control too soon, John returned his concentration to her swollen mouth, interspersing rasping breaths with delicate nibbles and caresses until he could feel her smile against his lips and couldn’t resist letting his eyelids flutter open to take her in. Her face was flushed and hungry as she returned his stare whilst her hips squirmed against him so deliciously that he could no longer suppress a low possessive growl. 

“God I’ve missed you Lise. I need you.” 

He was panting now and so far gone, his eyes squeezed closed in concentration as his hands rushed to remember every inch of her body. It had been two years and he was beyond overwhelmed. 

Lise was feeling just as dazed. John Cardinal did something to her that she couldn’t rationally explain. Her skin burning with need under his fingertips as a ball of pure fire wrapped itself tightly in her abdomen, the feel of his erection pressing into her making her tingle with anticipation as she frustratedly wriggled against him, the memory of how perfectly he filled her already had her so unbelievably wet. 

Blindly they made it through to his bedroom, slowly undressing each other with tender familiarity until they were naked together for the first time in so long. There was no awkwardness or fumblings of first-time lovers, their hands instinctively finding where they belonged. 

The only worry Lise had was his injured thigh and with that in mind she gently manoeuvred him so that he was lying on his back, carefully straddling his body so that she could do all the work.

He certainly wasn’t complaining, his arousal twitching keenly against the heat of her naked stomach as she leant down to taste him again, her hard nipples grazing the fine hairs of his damp chest in the process, causing a mewl of pleasure to escape her lips. 

“It’s been a while Lise…” He mumbled nervously. “This might be quicker than I would like… you… you blow my mind. It…It’s only ever been you.” 

His stumbling words were absorbed by her kisses as she let her slick folds envelop his cock, swallowing his sighs and easing slowly down until her hips were flush with his thighs. His eyes had closed as his forehead creased in strained concentration. Rocking gently against him she slowly relaxed into the overwhelming fullness she had only ever experienced with him, kissing the delicate skin of his eyelids, her lips tickled by the inky long lashes that she adored.

“I have missed you so much John. Nobody has ever made me feel like this.”

Her words seemed to awaken something primal inside him, his hungry eyes opening as his lips searched her flesh. Nibbling along her jaw and down the soft tender skin of her neck, his hips thrusting up to meet her as their movements became more frantic and incoherent, falling rapidly together towards a mind-blowing orgasm… 

…The first of many that night.


	7. Christmas Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slightly belated Christmas cheer in the form of some very smutty and very fluffy Cardilorme antics!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas despite the weirdness that has been 2020! I had such a different but still very lovely day and am feeling warm and fuzzy as a result which is definitely reflected in this big hug of a chapter. I hope it's not too sickly sweet and that you all enjoy!  
> Happy Belated Christmas to you all xxx

Christmas Day

Lise had woken with a huge smile on her face and a familiar ache in her groin. John’s protective arm was firmly pulling her against his warm, strong body as his long leg lazily draped across her thigh, his morning arousal proudly pressing into her butt. This was the kind of cuddling Lise missed. She had woken a few times in the night, slightly disorientated, and he had soothed her with gentle kisses and delicate touches until she had snuggled back into his welcoming arms. Somehow the man wrapped around her made her feel safe and excited. This was love. John Cardinal was her only love and he was the best Christmas gift she could have asked for. 

The sun could stay away as far as she was concerned, quite content to stay nestled in his big bed and never move again. Then John stirred, rocking his hips into her as his hand slid up to caress the tingling skin of her breast, his rough fingers skilfully teasing an eager nipple as his hot mouth nibbled at her neck.  
Ok maybe moving wasn’t a terrible idea… 

“Merry Christmas Lise.”

John’s sleepy voice sounded even more gravelly and seductive than normal. His breath hot and damp against her ear. Despite the exhaustion of their endeavours last night, she wanted this man again, so desperately, and judging by how very awake John now was, she definitely wasn’t alone in her desire. 

John’s arm had possessively tensed against her hip, easily turning her body so that he could once again look into her eyes, loving the way he faltered and drowned in their depths. For some reason being vulnerable around Lise made him feel alive. He could never be vulnerable with Catherine, always needing to be strong and brave. The freedom he felt giving himself so completely to his partner was freeing and exhilarating all at once. She could see into his heart, knew all that he had to give and he felt safe in the knowledge that she would always be there to catch him when he stumbled. On top of all that she was bloody beautiful, breathtakingly so, and he loved her, more desperately than he had ever loved anyone in his entire life. He would tell her today exactly how he felt, but right now, with her soft skin and familiar curves pressing against him, she was making him feel like a much younger man again and his body, which by rights should have been completely spent, had no intention of letting him talk.

“Mmm John,” her voice was swallowed by his hot slow kisses, his tongue heavy and thick against her own as he lazily explored her warm mouth, savouring her taste and the ferocity of her reply. 

Taking advantage of how distracted he was, Lise let her fingers trail down his spine, scratching gently with her nails in delicate teasing circles until she reached the fine hairs and taught arch of his ass, feeling his breath stutter against her lips as she pressed him against her tenderly. 

Confidence surging at his reaction to her touch, Lise grew bolder, cupping him in her palm as she let her fingers explore his length, tracing up to his swollen, smooth tip and swirling her fingertips until a strangled plea fell from his lips, lips which were so distracted they had stopped moving against her own. John was so overwhelmed by pleasure that his brain was no longer able to entertain coherent thought, his breath rough and broken as it fell against her cheek.

“I missed you so much.” 

Her voice felt like molten lava sliding along his skin as she worked her hands around him so skilfully that he wasn’t sure he had ever been so hard, unable to stop the reflex urge to thrust into her palm. 

“I need you inside me again John…” she continued against his skin, her tongue deliberately trailing along the shell of his ear as she spoke so that he knew exactly how much she wanted him.

“I have never felt so full or cum so hard as I do with you. When you touch me, John Cardinal…” 

Lise stopped midsentence, pulling back slightly so she could see his eyes, wanting to ensure he heard the thick desire in her voice as she spoke his name, holding his heavy black gaze even as his eyelids fought to close, whilst her hand gripped more tightly around his shaft. 

“…I feel like I am on fire.”

“Fuck Lise” he growled ferociously, rolling her hips so that she was above him, a loud shared moan signalling their union as she sunk sinfully down onto him. He had found a way to support his body on his palms reaching forward to suckle on an already hard nipple as she rocked against his thighs. Her slick, sweet and salty skin tasted delicious as he encircled her rigid bud and sucked it firmly into his mouth, the pressure and warmth of his lips making Lise mewl against him, roughly tangling her fingers in his hair and encouraging him to bite down as her hips shuddered against him. 

Pulling back, John sat fully upright, repositioning her in his lap so that her knees wrapped around his ass whilst his hands supported her lower back. The new angle let him probe even deeper and her moans signalled her approval, her heels digging roughly into him with need. John was already almost completely lost, his vision blurring as he savoured the sight of his length sinking fully into her welcoming depths with every heavy thrust. The sinful sound of slapping flesh driving him wild with lust. 

“Look at me.” His voice was hopeful and soft as they shared a hot and breathless open-mouthed kiss.

“It was always you… from the first time you kissed me Lise… the first time I got to touch you… honestly from the first time I saw you.” 

Her lips were on his again as she swallowed back the overwhelmingly happy tears.

The feel of her spasming walls contracting around him pulled him over the edge, thrusting hard as he held her firmly against him and let go, spilling himself uncontrollably into the woman he needed more than anything. The flood of endorphins and desire dissolved his fear and he found himself staring into Lise’s watery eyes and telling her the truth.

“I love you Lise. I have never stopped loving you, I… I couldn’t. You… You will always have my heart.” 

*****

They had completely missed breakfast by the time that John finally let Lise out of his arms. Whilst she showered he set about getting the fire started so that by the time she had come through to join him, her hair tousled around her face and wrapped snuggly in his oversized dressing gown, the hearth was glowing and crackling with comforting flames. His chest was bursting at seeing her again, slightly embarrassed that he had missed her so much in the few minutes that they had been apart. He felt alive and full of energy in her presence and his leg was feeling a hundred times better too, despite or maybe because of its vigorous workout. Lise Delorme really was the best nurse he could have had, a flush tickling his cheeks as he thought about what he would write in his rehab diary for the physiotherapist this week. 

“Do you fancy some coffee and waffles? Then we can open presents.”

Pulling her against him he growled a reply into her mouth, kissing her hungrily until her giggling squirms made him release her. 

“You are insatiable John!” Her teasingly stern expression as she spoke ensuring that he laughingly agreed to stop fooling around and help her in the kitchen. 

They had been hungrier than they thought when they started cooking and Lise whipped up some scrambled eggs and bacon whilst John made coffee and waffles. It felt lovely seeing her in his kitchen, ‘her kitchen’, it was exactly how he pictured it and he hoped that he could convince her to stay.

*****

Lise had laid their gifts on the coffee table whilst he finished tidying the kitchen. His pile looked bigger than hers and he felt suddenly worried as he took in her excited expression as she sat cross legged on the couch, impatiently waiting on him.

“Lise you have got me too much, I…”

“Nonsense John.” She cut him off with a sharp tut. “Rapidement, I can’t wait any longer. You first.”

He obligingly sat down beside her and picked up the first of his gifts, shaking the box gently, a childlike happiness in his eyes as she let herself shuffle closer. His big hands were very delicate as he undid the wrapping, being careful not to rip at the paper and Lise couldn’t suppress a laugh at how different their approach to present opening was. John always so careful and steadfast in everything he did whilst her fiery impatience always won out, maybe that was why they worked so well as partners and … as lovers, the flush in her skin burning hot at the memories of how well that definitely worked for them. 

He beamed at her, holding up the hand-crafted oak photo frame. 

“We will need to find some new memories to fill it with?” 

Choked up by how hopeful that made him feel, he could only nod and kiss her tenderly.

He still had two packages left and just as carefully he unwrapped them one by one, revealing a little set of wood carving tools and a tin of fishing lures specifically for catching salmon. 

“They are perfect Lise. You know me very well.” 

It made him feel warm and fuzzy at how true that statement was. 

Fidgeting on the sofa, her patience had run out and she picked up the first of her gifts, hurriedly tearing away the wrapping paper to reveal a ribbon bound bottle of perfume. Smiling up at John, impressed that he had remembered her favourite brand, she leant in and placed a chaste kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you it’s perfect.”

He tenderly picked up the second much smaller package in his hands, cradling it as he gently passed it to her. 

“This is your main gift Lise. I hope you like it.”

Something about his gentle gesture made her take her time unwrapping the beautiful paper, carefully lifting up a tiny velvet pouch before her breath caught silently in her throat at the sight of the perfectly crafted and very familiar jewellery box that was tucked below. 

John was looking at his feet, feeling too embarrassed and nervous to look at her face. It meant he missed the torrent of emotions that had overtaken her, the tears that flooded her eyes and escaped down her cheeks as her fingers trailed along the delicate metal.

“John,” her breathy voice finally pulled his gaze to her and he saw her tears, misinterpreting the situation and suddenly panicking.

“I’m sorry Lise, I… I thought you might still want it, I couldn’t bring myself to ever return it…I’m… I’m sorry it was stupid and tacky to give you back a gift you no longer wanted, I…”

Hushing him she turned his face towards her, cupping his jaw in her palms and gently caressing the wiry silvery hairs of his beard. 

“It was never that I didn’t want it John. It was the hardest day of my life giving back that symbol of your love. I hated doing it.” 

Opening the drawstring pouch with trembling fingers John shook the small gold charm into his palm before clipping it to the bracelet and carefully placing the fine chain onto her equally delicate wrist. 

“I thought maybe it erm needed something new though.”

John's voice was thick with emotion as he finally tore his eyes away from her wrist and back up to her dark glassy eyes.

Looking down at the bracelet, she saw for the first time that next to the original delicate little heart charm he had added the swirling symbol for infinity and she could barely breathe at how overwhelmingly sensitive and romantic his gesture was. 

“I am yours Lise; I have been from the moment you first lit up my world and that won’t ever change. I am 60 years old and you… you are the Love of my Life. Do you think you can give me… give us another chance?”

Shifting so that she could sit nestled into his lap she hugged him tightly, kissing him tenderly with salty lips whilst she calmed her mind enough to speak.

“I can’t love you again John.” And before the panic could even register on his face, she finished her sentence hurriedly. 

“I can’t love you again because I never stopped, no matter how hard I tried to forget you and make the pain of losing you go away, I couldn’t. You are the only man I have ever loved John and it turns out you are an impossible man to give up.” 

Relief flooded out of them both, pouring into their hungry kisses as her fingers fumbled at the buttons of his checked shirt, urgently needing to feel the warmth of his skin pressed against her again. Completely lost in each other they were oblivious to the bleeping of his laptop on the kitchen table until Kelly’s voice filled the room and they jumped apart.

“Dad? Dad are you there?”

“Hey Kelly, give me one minute.”

John cleared his throat trying to remove the heavy lust and emotion from his voice as he hurriedly rebuttoned his shirt whilst Lise straightened her hair, from where his eager fingers had ruffled her loose curls around her face.

It felt strange retrieving his daughter from the table in the kitchen and setting her down in his lap beside Lise. 

“Merry Christmas!” Kelly beamed at both of them, clearly seeing the guilty expression neither could hide in the big grins on their faces. Lise’s lips still obviously swollen and red from John’s rough beard and enthusiastic kisses. 

“How has your Christmas been Kelly?” Lise asked, trying to distract from how awkward she suddenly felt.

Luckily Kelly was only too happy to tell them about her day. It was already late where she was and she had clearly had quite a bit of Christmas cheer throughout the day. Despite all of her excitement and tales it wasn’t too long before she eagerly asked about their Christmas and suddenly neither could look at each other or the computer. 

“It’s been good Kel. Like old times.”

Kelly could see the happiness in her dad’s face and he didn't need to say anything else, the flush in Lise’s cheeks speaking volumes about what he meant by 'old times'! Suddenly she felt like she was intruding on something very personal.  
Kelly was ecstatic for both of them. Finally they had figured out for themselves how much they needed each other. She would be patient though, and wait for them to tell her the full truth when they were ready.

“Well…” she found herself wanting to get off the phone quickly. “I had better let you get on. It must be about time for your Christmas lunch and I need to get to bed. I look forward to speaking to you both soon. It’s lovely to see you both looking so happy and I love the tree dad! I had no idea you had kept all those decorations. Love you both lots - have a wonderful Christmas.”

As she hung off Lise burst into giggles.

“She totally knew John. She should have been a detective; what an incredible daughter you have, you definitely don’t have to worry that any of your genes have gone to waste.”

Stretching up from the sofa Lise reached down for the hand of the man she loved, gently tugging him to his feet, a teasing twinkle dancing in her eyes that took his breath away all over again.

“Maybe I have one more gift for you to unwrap before dinner?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am feeling so warm and fluffy that I will definitely be updating a couple of Christmassy and New years editions of A New Life which I hope will be a nice read. Roll on 2021 with a lot more hopeful optimism (especially as I am halfway through my vaccination programme for the dreaded covid! fingers crossed it does what it is supposed to and we can all get on with our lives- although I have enjoyed living vicariously in the Cardinal universe for a while!)

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so that is most of the angst out of the way. I just fancied a low tense point to start this off so that the high is all the better - next chapter will be the start of them falling back madly in love with each other...in a slow convoluted cardilorme way obviously... but just in time for Christmas of course because well that is just mandatory! Hopefully you will hang about for the fluff I have planned x


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